December 18, 2006
Well here we are and Christmas is almost here. Almost a New Year very soon. I made it to church yesterday, the 3rd times since surgery. People see me at church and say "you look good" this statement always used to honk me off when I had pancreatitis. One person asked me yesterday if I felt better when I said " I still have alot of pain" they didn't want to hear it, they were making nice comments. In the grand scheme of things people really don't care how we feel, they don't know anything else to say to us so they think that because we have had surgery everything is fixed now and should (their impression) be better, these of course are the idiots that never understood pancreatitis to begin with. I have little patience with people these day, less than I had before. I guess I was living with the dream that things would be different than what they really are. My family members sometimes will say stupid stuff like "well at least you can eat now" no the truth is I don't have a funcitonal bowel obstruction any more so you feel better now that you think I can eat. You don't listen when I say it hurts so bad after I eat that I wish I hadn't ate, and that it would be alot easier if the j-tube were still there, so I could hook it up and not have to eat. People hear what they want and tune the rest out.There are some who believe that I need more time to heal. Personally I am at a loss, there is nothing I can do about any of it anyway, go with the flow is what I do. We don't purchase Christmas gifts at the Atwell's anymore. Once my husband and I started going to church about 4 years ago, we went to the mall to get my husband a pair of tennis shoes to wear to work and we saw people out shopping like zobbies, " must buy Christmas presence" the sound in their voice like Homer Simpson, must buy must get and we saw the insanity of the mass mechandisers, the time of year that every CEO plans for. Notice I wrote Christmas presence, they are attempting to buy something that can't be bought. I opted out of this craziness along time ago. For the past 2 Christmas' I haven't even put up a tree, some might say " why" part of the reason, I can't drag the thing up from the basement, and I plainly don't have the strength to put it up and take it back down. There isn't a soul here who cares anyway. I will get my daughter and her boyfriend a small gift, but the days of blow out Christmas' are over here. I would much rather get up on Christmas and watch good movies and be with my family than open gifts I don't want much less need, especially to fulfill a messed up idea of what Christmas should be.
To close for this post, from our house to yours May you all have a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS, AND A VERY UNPAINFUL NEW YEAR.
Well here we are and Christmas is almost here. Almost a New Year very soon. I made it to church yesterday, the 3rd times since surgery. People see me at church and say "you look good" this statement always used to honk me off when I had pancreatitis. One person asked me yesterday if I felt better when I said " I still have alot of pain" they didn't want to hear it, they were making nice comments. In the grand scheme of things people really don't care how we feel, they don't know anything else to say to us so they think that because we have had surgery everything is fixed now and should (their impression) be better, these of course are the idiots that never understood pancreatitis to begin with. I have little patience with people these day, less than I had before. I guess I was living with the dream that things would be different than what they really are. My family members sometimes will say stupid stuff like "well at least you can eat now" no the truth is I don't have a funcitonal bowel obstruction any more so you feel better now that you think I can eat. You don't listen when I say it hurts so bad after I eat that I wish I hadn't ate, and that it would be alot easier if the j-tube were still there, so I could hook it up and not have to eat. People hear what they want and tune the rest out.There are some who believe that I need more time to heal. Personally I am at a loss, there is nothing I can do about any of it anyway, go with the flow is what I do. We don't purchase Christmas gifts at the Atwell's anymore. Once my husband and I started going to church about 4 years ago, we went to the mall to get my husband a pair of tennis shoes to wear to work and we saw people out shopping like zobbies, " must buy Christmas presence" the sound in their voice like Homer Simpson, must buy must get and we saw the insanity of the mass mechandisers, the time of year that every CEO plans for. Notice I wrote Christmas presence, they are attempting to buy something that can't be bought. I opted out of this craziness along time ago. For the past 2 Christmas' I haven't even put up a tree, some might say " why" part of the reason, I can't drag the thing up from the basement, and I plainly don't have the strength to put it up and take it back down. There isn't a soul here who cares anyway. I will get my daughter and her boyfriend a small gift, but the days of blow out Christmas' are over here. I would much rather get up on Christmas and watch good movies and be with my family than open gifts I don't want much less need, especially to fulfill a messed up idea of what Christmas should be.
To close for this post, from our house to yours May you all have a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS, AND A VERY UNPAINFUL NEW YEAR.
posted by Lisa Atwell | 5:56 PM
1 Comments:
Lisa, i hear your frustration over the pain issues. Its been ? 3 months? Hang in there girl! it takes time ((DONT WE HATE THAT STATMENT??))also you had your intestines rehooked up so those are working too now. Im just brainstorming (halfbrained) what could possibly be still paining you although you are still just out of surgery. We want it over with NOW jerry said to hold onto the gold ring.. we dont do brass, and to keep holding before you know it you wont be treading water any more but running free.. hang in there HUGS and we both pray you get a reprieve for Christmas! HUG THOSE KITTIES TOO!!
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