July 7,06

I haven't posted in a couple of days. My husband put the picture of our kitties ( children) on the site for me. I am not real computer literate and I was having some problems with the site 2 days ago. Probably more user error than site error.
I have been having alot more pain the past couple of days. Of course the busiest days this week for things that need to done outside the house. I have decided to attempt to make ahead meals for my family and freeze them as individual meals. Time will tell if I have the strength to do this. I have given it alot of thought and think that if I cook one extra thing with supper then I will get it done. I would prefer that they have good meals while I am away and while I am recouperating at home. I have also considered just making extras of what I would cook for supper and freezing that. I am a homemaker by heart, true to the core. I have not one masculine bone in my body. I am a girlie girl to the core.
I have been giving more thought to the idea of insulin dependant diabetes, which I have been told by Dr. Sutherland will more than likely be the case. So, thus I am attempting to stop smoking. Now I wish I have never started, but then who lets a 12 year old smoke? Oh, well that's the past and we go forward. If it keeps me from loosing limbs then it must be done. I did go to get a cigarette the other day and my husband had taken tape and written things like, blindness, toe amputations, kidney failure and stuck it to each pack in the carton. Really makes one think when they reach for one.
I am being to have apprehension regarding the surgery. I will go through with it, it does not mean that I cannot be afraid. I do know that God's hand is in this so it will be alright.
We are beginning here to talk about hotel arrangements for my husband and is driving from Indiana to Minnesota so frequently. He is in BSN school and cannot miss more than one day of school so he will have to return. He is enrolled at Indiana Wesleyan University, this is an intensive 18 month program for previous RN's with families. It meets one night a week and there is so much homework. Mostly papers to write, that man can write a paper. His papers usually end up being at least 20 pages ( easy). I feel bad that he will have to travel so much, and he will have to work on his papers while I am hospitalized. I wish there was a way this could wait until his school was over. I asked him if he wanted me to put this off. He wants for me to be well and have a better quality of life, so thus we proceed forward. That is life if we don't move forward then we are moving backward. The thing about moving backward is that we accomplish nothing. I look at the things in life that I have been given the opportunity to accomplish and I am very grateful. Pancreatitis has kept me from meeting alot of goals that I had set for myself. I think that sometimes things happen so that we don't let the goals of life interfer with what God has planned for us. Sometimes what we plan and what God has planned for us are two different things. Issues are a way of getting back on track for Gods plan. I don't have any word of wisdom about pancreatitis. I know the clincal aspects, I know what the pain feel s like, I know that I dispise it. I only know that I have to try and if this surgery doesn't help then I have done all I can. I have also reduced my pancreatic cancer risk. I try and look at the postives in life. I will close with a picture of my daughter; Ashley. I will mention more about her later